I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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