he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
