Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
