i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
