you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
