Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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