Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yo dont text me then not text me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
