Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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