you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Two words: blizzard sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
