If i come over, it means nothing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
