who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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