I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
