My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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