i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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