I think im going to throw up on grandma
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
