Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
