My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
