I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize