Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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