dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
