Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
