youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
