Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
