anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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