The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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