my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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