My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
