I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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