I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
