The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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