Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
