He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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