he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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