Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
