dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
