I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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