I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
