Kiss
Puke
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
