the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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