addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
