did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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