I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
