I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
