saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
