so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
