The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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