We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
