I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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