if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
