He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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