Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
