I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
