yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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