the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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