If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
