My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
