Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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