i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
