we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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