What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
